the Dating Game: Are you sending that thumb-hither look?
- Original Charlotte.com article: the Dating Game: Are you sending that thumb-hither look?
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In a landscape littered with suggestive emoticons and digital come-hithers, a new hazard seems inevitable for potential paramours: sprained thumbs.
More than ever, texting has become a conduit for singles to commingle. From flirting to breaking up -- remember Britney's 'Dear John' text to K-Fed? -- text messaging is now a tool often used in the game of love.
Texting is a valuable means to help couples connect, says Gail Laguna, vice president of communications for Spark Networks, which includes JDate.com, Hurry-Date.com and ChristianMingle.com.
With everyone wrapped up in their careers, stuck at their desks or sitting in traffic on their daily commutes, using a free moment to send a text has become a viable way for people to simply touch base or take it to the next level.
'It's almost become difficult to get people on the phone now,' Laguna says. 'E-mail you can deny receiving, but you pretty much know that unless somebody happened to forget their phone at home, whatever you send is going to end up right in their pocket.'
All of the speedy key punching isn't used for just flirtation: 13 percent of mobile phone users have received text or multimedia messages with more explicit sexual content, according to a study conducted in November by Perduco, a Norwegian research firm.
For users under 30 years old, it's 19 percent. With about 3 billion cell phone subscribers worldwide, that's enough tawdry text to fill a red-light Library of Congress.
Author Kristina Grish writes about how digital technology has affected the rules of the game in 'The Joy of Text: Mating, Dating and Techno-Relating' (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, $12.95). With a goal of providing an Emily Post-style guide for women using technology in dating, the book urges readers to use texting and other digital means to reflect rather than reinvent who they are.
Grish knew she was onto a hot topic when she observed a female friend of hers texting a man at a birthday party.
'They were in the same room, at the same birthday party, spending a good hour flirting over text message,' Grish says. 'My first thought was, `Hey, wimp! Go over and say hello.' But it also worked very nicely because nobody else knew they were flirting. They didn't have to worry about the gossip machine.'
Texting is a handy means to flirt. And like any sort of communication between the sexes, it's often over-analyzed by the person on the receiving end, Grish said.
All of which provided a greater impetus for Grish to write the book.
'There is so much technology that is popping up every day,' she says. 'There has to be some sort of basic set of rules so that everybody's on the same page.'
Perhaps the most fundamental rule in using this mode for romantic purposes is to remember that your goal is to eventually put down the device and communicate face-to-face.
Keep It Short, Keep It Sweet, Keep It Sane
Texting tips for flirting, dating and more, from Kristina Grish, author of 'The Joy of Text':
** Keep it real -- Texting is fine as a way to initiate or even support a relationship, but move the patter offline as soon as possible.
** Avoid the X's and O's -- Some women affectionately sign off with the symbols for kisses and hugs. Though it can be endearing to a female friend, it might send a wrong (if not overwhelming) message to the man who you've just begun texting.
** Manage the manic -- Try not to get swept up in the flirtatious fun of rapid-fire texting, the kind that gives you butterflies every time the phone beeps. 'It's very easy to be a little sexier and provocative' via text messages, says Grish. 'But realize the person expects you to deliver in person.'
** Keep it simple -- Text messages are supposed to be short and, hopefully, sweet. If someone has to hit 'scroll down' to read your text, you might as well have sent an e-mail.
** Be responsive -- Answer a text message within 24 hours, otherwise you are blowing that person off. If you can't answer in a day, make a call.
** No `booty' texting -- 'If you're going to make a 'booty' anything, make it a phone call,' Grish says. 'When someone calls you for that purpose, you can hear their voice; you can hear if they're drunk, sincere or desperate; it can nudge your conscience; or you can decide on a laissez-faire, fun choice for the evening.'
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